Bodies Unfiltered

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been told more than once to stop apologizing so much. Friends, coworkers, partners, and even strangers have hit me with the classic, “You apologize too much.” And they’re not wrong.

For every moment where an apology made sense, there were ten others where my “I’m sorry” was just… automatic. A reflex. A safety blanket. A way of shrinking myself so no one would ever think I was too much, too loud, too in the way, too anything.

And honestly? It’s exhausting.
Not just for the people around us, but for us too.

Because when you apologize for everything, your apologies lose their meaning. It becomes noise instead of connection, fear instead of honesty. And what’s wild is that most of the time, we’re not even apologizing for real mistakes. We’re apologizing for existing. For taking up space. For having needs. For being human.

So here’s a gentler way forward, not to shame you for apologizing, but to help you reframe it in a way that feels healthier and more grounded.

Why Over-Apologizing Matters More Than You Think

This isn’t about removing politeness or refusing to say sorry when it’s truly necessary.
It’s about something deeper:

Every unnecessary “I’m sorry” chips away at your confidence, your boundaries, and your sense of worth.

After a while, it teaches your brain:

• I’m always doing something wrong.
• I’m responsible for everyone’s comfort.
• I should feel bad for taking up any space at all.

And that’s simply not true. When you save apologies for the moments that really matter, when you’ve hurt someone, crossed a boundary, or caused actual harm, they become meaningful again. They come from respect, not habit.

Understand Why You Do It

Most chronic apologizers aren’t actually apologizing, they’re trying to:

• keep the peace
• avoid conflict
• seem polite
• soften the edges of their presence
• prevent anyone from being upset
• make themselves smaller so others don’t feel uncomfortable

If any of this sounds familiar, welcome to the club. You’re not apologizing, you’re protecting.

But here’s the thing, you don’t need to apologize for existing, or speaking, or having needs, or being human. Your presence is not an inconvenience, your feelings are not a disturbance, and your needs are not interruptions.

You deserve the same space, patience, and grace you readily give everyone else.

Reframe Your Presence as Valid and Worthy

Every time you replace an unnecessary “I’m sorry” with something true (like gratitude, clarity, honesty, or nothing at all) you’re retraining your brain to believe that you belong.

Because you do.

Taking up space is not a mistake.
Asking for help is not a burden.
Needing time is not a character flaw.
Being human is not an inconvenience.

Choose Gratitude Over Regret

One of the easiest swaps, and honestly, one of the most freeing, is replacing “I’m sorry” with thank you.

Instead of apologizing for being late:
“Thank you for waiting for me.”

Instead of apologizing for needing clarity:
“Thank you for explaining that.”

Instead of apologizing because you’re overwhelmed:
“Thank you for being patient with me.”

Gratitude shifts the entire vibe.
It stops centering your “wrongness” and starts centering someone else’s kindness. It builds connection instead of tension. It also reminds you that you’re not a burden just because you needed something.

Pause Before You Apologize

A lot of us apologize before we even think. It just flies out of our mouths because our brain has learned that being sorry = being safe.

So before the words spill out, try this tiny pause:

Ask yourself:
Did I actually do something wrong, or am I just uncomfortable?

Most of the time, it’s the second one.

You don’t need to apologize for walking around someone in the grocery store.
You don’t need to apologize for asking a question at work.
You don’t need to apologize for needing space, or clarity, or time.
And you definitely don’t need to apologize for taking up literal human space in the world.

Pausing gives you a moment to check in with the real intention behind your words.

Use Apologies Intentionally, Not Habitually

Apologies are powerful when they are real, needed, and meaningful.
But when you say “I’m sorry” twenty times a day, it starts to lose its weight.

Saving apologies for the moments that truly matter makes them more sincere, and people feel that.

It’s not about becoming cold or refusing responsibility. It’s about choosing truth over reflex. When you apologize less often, your real “I’m sorry” hits deeper and carries more trust.

The goal isn’t to never apologize, it’s to mean it when you do.

Real apologies matter. They can build trust, connection, and mend relationships. But the unnecessary ones? They chip away at your confidence and communicate a message that simply isn’t true:

“I am at fault for existing.”

You’re not.
You never were.

So this week, try reframing just one unnecessary apology.
Then another.
Then another.

Little by little, you’ll feel the shift, and it feels empowering.

Your voice matters.
Your presence matters.
And you don’t have to apologize for that.